Sunday, August 10, 2008

Look What I Found!

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
-Three Days Grace,"Animal I Have Become"

When too lazy to write anything,put up a favorite article!An article about one of my personal faves,this guy.


- - - -

Me know. Me have problem.

Me love cookies. Me tend to get out of control when me see cookies. Me know it not natural to react so strongly to cookies, but me have weakness. Me know me do wrong. Me know it isn't normal. Me see disapproving looks. Me see stares. Me hurt inside.

When me get back to apartment, after cookie binge, me can't stand looking in mirror—fur matted with chocolate-chip smears and infested with crumbs. Me try but me never able to wash all of them out. Me don't think me is monster. Me just furry blue person who love cookies too much. Me no ask for it. Me just born that way.

Me was thinking and me just don't get it. Why is me a monster? No one else called monster on Sesame Street. Well, no one who isn't really monster. Two-Headed Monster have two heads, so he real monster. Herry Monster strong and look angry, so he probably real monster, too. But is me really monster?

Me thinks me have serious problem. Me thinks me addicted. But since when it acceptable to call addict monster? It affliction. It disease. It burden. But does it make me monster?

How can they be so callous? Me know there something wrong with me, but who in Sesame Street doesn't suffer from mental disease or psychological disorder? They don't call the vampire with math fetish monster, and me pretty sure he undead and drinks blood. No one calls Grover monster, despite frequent delusional episodes and obsessive-compulsive tendencies. And the obnoxious red Grover—oh, what his name?—Elmo! Yes, Elmo live all day in imaginary world and no one call him monster. No, they think he cute. And Big Bird! Don't get me started on Big Bird! He unnaturally gigantic talking canary! How is that not monster? Snuffleupagus not supposed to exist—woolly mammoths extinct. His very existence monstrous. Me least like monster. Me maybe have unhealthy obsession, but me no monster.

No. Me wrong. Me too hard on self. Me no have unhealthy obsession. Me love cookies, but it no hurt anyone. Me just enthusiast. Everyone has something they like most, something they get excited about. Why not me? Me perfectly normal. Me like cookies. So what? Cookies delicious. Cookies do not make one monster. Everyone loves cookies.

Me no monster. Me OK guy. Me OK guy who eat cookies.

Who me kidding? Me know me never actually eat cookies. Me only crumble cookies in mouth, but me no swallow. Me can't swallow. Me no have no esophagus. Me no have no trachea. Me only have black fabric throat. Me not supposed to be able to even talk.

Me no eat cookies.

Me destroy cookies.

Me crush cookies.

Me mutilate cookies.

Me make it so no one get cookies.

Everyone right. Me really is cookie monster.


  1. cookie monster knows the word 'mutilate'?
    that sellout.

  2. lol...very funny...No sweetie pie, you are not a monster...but errrrm what do we call u now? cookie addict?

  3. Lol@ Cookie Monster using the word "callous"...

    So we are all monsters, uh?


  4. over time, man's evolving brain has caused him to look more closely into the phenomenon that is sesame street.
    these recent discoveries seem to all point to the fact that the show was indeed more detrimental to the infant psyche than was apparent at the time.
    perhaps now -finally- the world can see that the cookie monster was in fact the originator of the eating disorder bulimia...

  5. i used to love sesame street, but I never really liked cookie monster.

  6. hilariousity! awww poor cookie monster. soo very misunderstood eh? lmao

    nice one Nine, very nice!

  7. @ Bumight I never really liked him either!!!

  8. LOL! awwwh, it's actually kinda cute..he just mizundastood!!! hehe..he no monster..he just...argh hell, he terrorizes the hell outta them cookes! lol..can't stop laughing at the bigbird one...gigantic talking canary...buahahah!! kiddin! h knows what "mutilate" is!?

  9. @Florida

    Perhaps he had a ghostwriter:)?


    @Ms Sula
    Very funny.Also a little sad.

    Bulimia?I never thought of it that way before.Hmmm.

    Wish I could claim credit for writing it...

    So who did you like?Oscar?The Count?Ernie?

    @the blogger formerly known as Smaragd

    I suspect you are a Miss Piggy fan.

    So now he's a terrorist?Lol.