Renegade

From Sinfest's Sunday edition


That apparently is the US Secret Service code name for the US President-elect.Some other fun facts:
• He collects Spider-Man and Conan the Barbarian comics
A comic fan!
• He has read every Harry Potter book
Who reads for pleasure!And reads fantasy!
• He ate dog meat, snake meat, and roasted grasshopper while living in Indonesia
And munched 404!
• He kept a pet ape called Tata while in Indonesia
Aboki!
• He can bench press an impressive 200lbs
Huh?On that skinny frame?
• He applied to appear in a black pin-up calendar while at Harvard but was rejected by the all-female committee
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
• He has said many of his friends in Indonesia were "street urchins"
Translation:Obama rolled with area boys.Thug life!!!:)
• His favourite music includes Miles Davis, Bob Dylan, Bach and The Fugees
What,no JayZ?At least there's no R.Kelly....

The rest are here
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/uselection2008/barackobama/3401168/Barack-Obama-The-50-facts-you-might-not-know.html

Keeping Your Eye On The Ball(s)

I now have a new reason to laugh at guys using handsfree headsets.Let me quote the headline:

Cell Phone Use Linked to Male Infertility

Hands-Free Calls May Expose Sperm to Radiation

Apparently,cellphones slowly broil the little danglies in their skin,leading to reduced activity of their contents.This is especially the case for those using those irritating hands free sets,as they tend to park their precious phones next to the family jewels when the phones are at their most active.

So,remember,next time some yuppie wannabe gets on your nerves by yapping on his Bluetooth headset,console yourself by remembering that he is also doing this to his gonads:





And they say God is dead.
Original article: http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/news/20080919/cell-phone-use-linked-male-infertility?

Titanic

From the Sunday edition of my favorite webcomic comes a truly evil sendup of both the current US financial crisis and the movie and song I love to hate :)


Original link http://www.sinfest.net/archive_page.php?comicID=2938

A Letter From Don Corleone

Letter,and recipient's response,below.

Oh, goody! Look what I found in my spam filter!

Vous êtes invité :: SOMEONE YOU CALL YOUR FRIEND, WANTS YOU DEAD.

Par votre hôte: IKEMBA OKOYE

Message: SOMEONE YOU CALL YOUR FRIEND, WANTS YOU DEAD.

I felt very sorry and bad for you, that your life is going to end up like this, I was paid to eliminate you and I have to do it within 10 days.

Meanwhile, I have sent my boys to track you and they have carried out the necessary investigation needed for the operation, but I ordered them to stop for a while and not to strike immediately so get

Back to me via this email (balackwood@yahoo.fr)

Ikemba Okoye.

Date: vendredi 8 août 2008
Heure: 17h 00 - 18h 00 (GMT+01:00)
Lieu: SOMEONE YOU CALL YOUR FRIEND, WANTS YOU DEAD.
Viendrez-vous ?

Répondre à cette invitation
Copyright © 2008 Yahoo! Tous droits réservés. | Conditions d’utilisation | Données personnelles

Goodness! I’m certainly quaking in my shoes! Shall I get back to this fellow? What shall I say?

Ah, I have it! Dear Ikemba: I’m so sorry that your career as a 419 fraudster didn’t work out the way you wanted. Best of luck in your new line of scam! Your friend, Jim.

Obviously,someone has been watching too many Nigerian movies.Well,I guess you have to give him points for trying standing out from the usual "I need help to smuggle money out of the country,send me your account details" crowd :)

Seriously though,how does someone with an IQ this low even learn to OPERATE a computer?Wanna bet that's actually his real name in there?At least I'm not named Ikemba :)

PS Did some Google-fu,and here is the full text of at least one of the emails

from: IKEMBA OKOYE <ikembaokoye2003@yahoo.com>
reply-to: ikembaokoye2007@yahoo.fr
to: XXX@XXX.XXX
date: Mon, Jul 28, 2008 at 9:26 AM
subject: SOMEONE YOU CALL YOUR FRIEND, WANTS YOU DEAD.

SOMEONE YOU CALL YOUR FRIEND, WANTS YOU DEAD.

I felt very sorry and bad for you, that your life is going to end like this, I was paid to eliminate you and I have to do it within 10 days.

Someone you call your friend wants you dead by all means, and the person have spent a lot of money on this, the person came to us and told us that he wants you dead and he provided us your names, photograph and other necessary information we needed about you.

Meanwhile, I have sent my boys to track you down and they have carried out the necessary investigation needed for the operation, but I ordered them to stop for a while and not to strike immediately because I just felt something good and sympathetic about you. I decided to contact you first and know why somebody will want you dead. Right now my men are monitoring you, their eyes are on you, and even the place you think is safer for you to hide might not be.

Now do you want to LIVE OR DIE? It is up to you. Get back to me now if you are ready to enter deal with me, I mean life trade, who knows, and I might just spear your life, $8,000 is all you need to spend. You will first of all pay $900 then I will send the tape of the person that want you dead to you and when the tape gets to you, you will pay the remaining $7100. If you are not ready for my help, then I will have no choice but to carry on the assignment after all I have already being paid.

Warning: do not think of contacting the police or even tell anyone because I will extend it to any member of your family since you are aware that somebody want you dead, and the person knows some members of your family as well.

For your own good I will advise you not to go out once it is 8pm until I make out time to see you and give you the tape of my discussion with the person who want you dead then you can use it to take any legal action. You can send the $900 to one of my local boy in Benin with this below information via western union or money Gram.

Receivers name. Christian Oforka.
Country. Benin.
City. Cotonou.
Question. Who made
Answer God.
Amount to be sent first $900

Good luck as I await your reply to this e-mail contact: ikembaokoye2007@yahoo.fr
Bye.

Ikemba Okoye.

Okay,I take it back.What points this guy gets for originality,he more than loses for grammar("I will spear you"),logic(crime boss/assassin rolled into one?For 8K?Ha!) and just.....AAAAARGGHHH.

This is what Nigeria's youth spends their time doing?We're doomed.

I need a drink.
Sources
http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/010497.html#010497

http://www.spicylogic.com/allenday/blog/2008/07/29/the-most-awesome-nigerian-scamspam-email-yet/

http://le-trombone.livejournal.com/92598.html

What Science Is Good For

Proving what things attract the opposite sex.Case in point:

Science Proves Exotic Cars Turn Women On

Quote:

David Moxon subjected 40 men and women to the sounds of a Maserati, Lamborghini and Ferrari, then measured the amount of testosterone in their saliva. He found everyone had higher levels of the stuff -- a measure of their arousal -- after hearing the revving exotics, but the amount the women had was off the charts.

A Volkswagen Polo,on the other hand,actually reduced the amount of testosterone in their saliva.So now guys have yet another reason to court bankruptcy.

Me,I want a bicycle :)

In Case You Didn't Know

The Law of Common Sense:Never accept a drink from a urologist.

Music Video Friday 7:The Afrolicious Edition

Afro,this one 's for you:)

He Completes Us

Public Service Announcement:Please ensure you are not drinking anything while watching this.Really.I warned you.




Quote of the day:
"Every time Barack Obama speaks,an angel has an orgasm."

Sublime brilliance.I heart Jon Stewart.

QFT

"Why so serious?"

-Heath Ledger,"The Dark Knight",2008

A friend forwarded this to me so I thought I'd share:)

A rolling stone ...... na person push am.
A stitch in time...... dey prevent further tear tear.
Birds of the same feather......na the same mama born dem.
One good turn......na power steering be that.
A bird in hand......na christmas chicken be that.
He who laughs last......na mumu. Why him no catch the joke the first time?
The patient dog......na hunger go kill am.

Look What I Found!

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become

-Three Days Grace,"Animal I Have Become"

When too lazy to write anything,put up a favorite article!An article about one of my personal faves,this guy.




COOKIE MONSTER SEARCHES DEEP WITHIN HIMSELF AND ASKS: IS ME REALLY MONSTER?

BY ANDY F. BRYAN

- - - -

Me know. Me have problem.

Me love cookies. Me tend to get out of control when me see cookies. Me know it not natural to react so strongly to cookies, but me have weakness. Me know me do wrong. Me know it isn't normal. Me see disapproving looks. Me see stares. Me hurt inside.

When me get back to apartment, after cookie binge, me can't stand looking in mirror—fur matted with chocolate-chip smears and infested with crumbs. Me try but me never able to wash all of them out. Me don't think me is monster. Me just furry blue person who love cookies too much. Me no ask for it. Me just born that way.

Me was thinking and me just don't get it. Why is me a monster? No one else called monster on Sesame Street. Well, no one who isn't really monster. Two-Headed Monster have two heads, so he real monster. Herry Monster strong and look angry, so he probably real monster, too. But is me really monster?

Me thinks me have serious problem. Me thinks me addicted. But since when it acceptable to call addict monster? It affliction. It disease. It burden. But does it make me monster?

How can they be so callous? Me know there something wrong with me, but who in Sesame Street doesn't suffer from mental disease or psychological disorder? They don't call the vampire with math fetish monster, and me pretty sure he undead and drinks blood. No one calls Grover monster, despite frequent delusional episodes and obsessive-compulsive tendencies. And the obnoxious red Grover—oh, what his name?—Elmo! Yes, Elmo live all day in imaginary world and no one call him monster. No, they think he cute. And Big Bird! Don't get me started on Big Bird! He unnaturally gigantic talking canary! How is that not monster? Snuffleupagus not supposed to exist—woolly mammoths extinct. His very existence monstrous. Me least like monster. Me maybe have unhealthy obsession, but me no monster.

No. Me wrong. Me too hard on self. Me no have unhealthy obsession. Me love cookies, but it no hurt anyone. Me just enthusiast. Everyone has something they like most, something they get excited about. Why not me? Me perfectly normal. Me like cookies. So what? Cookies delicious. Cookies do not make one monster. Everyone loves cookies.

Me no monster. Me OK guy. Me OK guy who eat cookies.

Who me kidding? Me know me never actually eat cookies. Me only crumble cookies in mouth, but me no swallow. Me can't swallow. Me no have no esophagus. Me no have no trachea. Me only have black fabric throat. Me not supposed to be able to even talk.

Me no eat cookies.

Me destroy cookies.

Me crush cookies.

Me mutilate cookies.

Me make it so no one get cookies.

Everyone right. Me really is cookie monster.

Strangeness

This is the house that funk built

-Groove Armada,"I See You Baby"

Believe it or not,that is the face of a porn star.74yrs old,350 films and still going strong.

Shigeo Tokuda is, in fact, his screen name. He prefers not to disclose his real name because, he insists, his wife and daughter have no idea that he has appeared in about 350 films over the past 14 years. And in his double life, Tokuda arguably embodies the contemporary state of Japan's sexuality: in surveys conducted by organizations ranging from the World Health Organization (WHO) to the condom-maker Durex, Japan is repeatedly found to be one of the most sexless societies in the industrialized world.

*Giggle*Wait,it get's better.

A WHO report released in March found that 1 in 4 married couples in Japan had not made love in the previous year, while 38% of couples in their 50s no longer have sex at all. Those figures were attributed to the stresses of Japanese working life.

Huh?In a country with a life expectancy of 81yrs?STRESS?

Yet at the same time, the country has seen a surge in demand for pornography that has turned adult videos into a billion-dollar industry, with "elder porn" one of its fastest-growing genres.

So we have an aging population,falling sexual intercourse rates,shrinking population,and growing porn industry.Something does not compute.
For those interested,you can find the full article on Time.com HERE

I Give You....

....The Incredibles!Lol.

Prenups Are Not Enough

Now this is a WTF moment.She actually sued? and WON?Granted,the guy sounds like something of an asshole,but how did she actually win a lawsuit citing breach of contract for a broken engagement?I can understand suing for wedding expenses(apparently,in the US it's traditional for the bride and/or her family to pay for the wedding) but THIS?Haba.And I suspect that in this case at least the guy probably bore the expenses,being (apparently) quite well off.

So to summarize,guy lost $150k + $30k(he gave her to pay off HER credit card debts)+2 karat engagement ring.At a minimum. The sad part is,this is probably a bargain compared to a divorce.Only in America.

Music Video Friday 5:Stereotyping

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Ever categorized people by music?Try it.I used to.Time was,you could tell the testosterone poisoned by the size and composition of their CD collections.Tupac,Notorious BIG,Dre,Nas,JayZ,50 Cent,The Game;if their CD collection had these artistes in greater than 75%,the guy was often a victim of testosterone poisoning,which often resulted in expenditure of large amounts of time,money and electricity maintaining the requisite "image".Side effects included going into debt and drinking garri for dinner.

Then there were the Celine Dion addicts.Often characterized by an infatuation with Indian movies and South American telenovellas,they exhibited tendencies straight out of a Meg Ryan flick.Needless to say,they were(mostly)female.Usually Toni Braxton fans as well.Often responsible for the drinking garri state of the testosterone poisoned.

There were also the people who bought Kenny Rogers albums(dry),Mary Mary(churchalicious),Enya&Tracy Chapman(pushovers),pop(bourgeois),and rock(weirdos).

I suspect it still (largely)holds true.The specific musicians may have changed,but the core themes remain.Issues of masculinity,of expectations,of rebellion.That and people just being pricks:).You all have a lovely weekend.

From a Greek brother called Nicolas Georgakis.If you don't enjoy this,you have no soul.

What About The Children?

Public Service Announcement:The following post might be dangerous to your health.

Remember Cookie Monster?The adorable blue psychopath and eater of all things unhealthy?My childhood hero?He's been compromised.Coopted by the adult establishment.




Time was,you wouldn't dare present him with foliage or fruit.He was an uncompromising advocate of the finer things in life:to wit,baked goods.Not for him the societal strictures of table manners;those were for lesser men.He knew what he wanted and he took it,a state to which we could only aspire to.

Now?He eats fruit.FRUIT!Why?Kids are getting fatter,they said.We must stem the rising tide of childhood obesity,they said.You are an icon,children look up to you,they said.It is your duty;set a good example and they will follow.Of such good intentions is the road to Hades paved.

So he gave up his diet,the food for which he is named.A cookie yes,or two,or three,but before each,a serving of green.Civilized,responsible,all the things he could not be for.And with each leafy bite,in our eyes he dies some more.





To stem the outcry,they put him on the screen.Remember the kids,they tell him,go out there and beam.They get their way,he does the show,and eats the host's medal.He's reformed,it's a wonder!Now, let's go get Oscar.

My apologies for tormenting you with my....attempts at poetry.You can't say you weren't warned:)

PS Thanks for the photo,Afro.

And On the Third Day....

Everybody likes to dance to a happy song
~Weezer,"Pork and Beans",2008

Just spent my entire weekend babysitting my computer which died last week.Two days,multiple system recoveries,two Windows installations and one hard drive format later,my computer is back online.Hallelujah!

In celebration,I present a Soulja Boy/MC Hammer medley by the good inmates of the CPDRC.Now if you'll excuse me,I'm off to listen to some happy music:)

Of Cats And Dogs

This brought a smile to my face today.



DOG DIARY

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

CAT DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of
escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I
could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this
means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and
seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.


Image at the top is courtesy of the webcomic Sinfest

This Is Why Being Short Sucks

For Hengish, courtesy of Stuffblackpeoplehate.

We All Wanna Be Rockstars

This is why you only go drinking with friends.That way,you have someone to blame when you are caught on camera like this:



Camera phones are SUCH nifty little things.

You have been Rick Rolled!!!

This video just brings tears of laughter to my eyes.I'd heard about it,but words could not adequately convey it's awesomeness.I think I used to own the pair of shorts the black guy in the video is wearing.

http://www.internetisseriousbusiness.com/

I wish I'd found this before April 1st......

PS To view that link,you bring three minutes of time,a set of speakers and a sense of humor:)

Edit:For those having problems with that link,here's a Youtube link;it doesn't have the full effect of the first link,but it will play:)