Sunday, September 14, 2008

A Letter From Don Corleone

Letter,and recipient's response,below.

Oh, goody! Look what I found in my spam filter!

Vous êtes invité :: SOMEONE YOU CALL YOUR FRIEND, WANTS YOU DEAD.

Par votre hôte: IKEMBA OKOYE

Message: SOMEONE YOU CALL YOUR FRIEND, WANTS YOU DEAD.

I felt very sorry and bad for you, that your life is going to end up like this, I was paid to eliminate you and I have to do it within 10 days.

Meanwhile, I have sent my boys to track you and they have carried out the necessary investigation needed for the operation, but I ordered them to stop for a while and not to strike immediately so get

Back to me via this email (balackwood@yahoo.fr)

Ikemba Okoye.

Date: vendredi 8 août 2008
Heure: 17h 00 - 18h 00 (GMT+01:00)
Lieu: SOMEONE YOU CALL YOUR FRIEND, WANTS YOU DEAD.
Viendrez-vous ?

Répondre à cette invitation
Copyright © 2008 Yahoo! Tous droits réservés. | Conditions d’utilisation | Données personnelles

Goodness! I’m certainly quaking in my shoes! Shall I get back to this fellow? What shall I say?

Ah, I have it! Dear Ikemba: I’m so sorry that your career as a 419 fraudster didn’t work out the way you wanted. Best of luck in your new line of scam! Your friend, Jim.


Obviously,someone has been watching too many Nigerian movies.Well,I guess you have to give him points for trying standing out from the usual "I need help to smuggle money out of the country,send me your account details" crowd :)

Seriously though,how does someone with an IQ this low even learn to OPERATE a computer?Wanna bet that's actually his real name in there?At least I'm not named Ikemba :)

PS Did some Google-fu,and here is the full text of at least one of the emails

from: IKEMBA OKOYE <ikembaokoye2003@yahoo.com>
reply-to: ikembaokoye2007@yahoo.fr
to: XXX@XXX.XXX
date: Mon, Jul 28, 2008 at 9:26 AM
subject: SOMEONE YOU CALL YOUR FRIEND, WANTS YOU DEAD.
SOMEONE YOU CALL YOUR FRIEND, WANTS YOU DEAD.

I felt very sorry and bad for you, that your life is going to end like this, I was paid to eliminate you and I have to do it within 10 days.

Someone you call your friend wants you dead by all means, and the person have spent a lot of money on this, the person came to us and told us that he wants you dead and he provided us your names, photograph and other necessary information we needed about you.

Meanwhile, I have sent my boys to track you down and they have carried out the necessary investigation needed for the operation, but I ordered them to stop for a while and not to strike immediately because I just felt something good and sympathetic about you. I decided to contact you first and know why somebody will want you dead. Right now my men are monitoring you, their eyes are on you, and even the place you think is safer for you to hide might not be.

Now do you want to LIVE OR DIE? It is up to you. Get back to me now if you are ready to enter deal with me, I mean life trade, who knows, and I might just spear your life, $8,000 is all you need to spend. You will first of all pay $900 then I will send the tape of the person that want you dead to you and when the tape gets to you, you will pay the remaining $7100. If you are not ready for my help, then I will have no choice but to carry on the assignment after all I have already being paid.

Warning: do not think of contacting the police or even tell anyone because I will extend it to any member of your family since you are aware that somebody want you dead, and the person knows some members of your family as well.

For your own good I will advise you not to go out once it is 8pm until I make out time to see you and give you the tape of my discussion with the person who want you dead then you can use it to take any legal action. You can send the $900 to one of my local boy in Benin with this below information via western union or money Gram.

Receivers name. Christian Oforka.
Country. Benin.
City. Cotonou.
Question. Who made
Answer God.
Amount to be sent first $900

Good luck as I await your reply to this e-mail contact: ikembaokoye2007@yahoo.fr
Bye.

Ikemba Okoye.


Okay,I take it back.What points this guy gets for originality,he more than loses for grammar("I will spear you"),logic(crime boss/assassin rolled into one?For 8K?Ha!) and just.....AAAAARGGHHH.

This is what Nigeria's youth spends their time doing?We're doomed.

I need a drink.
Sources
http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/010497.html#010497

http://www.spicylogic.com/allenday/blog/2008/07/29/the-most-awesome-nigerian-scamspam-email-yet/

http://le-trombone.livejournal.com/92598.html

9 comments:

  1. in a wierd sort of way this was actually quite funny even though being scammed is not.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Whoa! Are you serious? Like who really does this?

    I like the angle of "you have a choice: to die or not... versus $900... :)"

    Hilarious but sad indeed.

    ReplyDelete
  3. one word: stupido!

    see d things some people's mind think up? anyone who falls 4 dis is even stupider

    ReplyDelete
  4. As in are you shitting me?

    the guy no try at all, at all. why the heck do pple do this?

    $900 ko 900 cowries ni.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hahahahahah...ok i cannot stop laughing...omg this guy is so funny, imagine him sitting there furiously typing this "deadly" letter...hahahahahahahah

    ReplyDelete
  6. you got to give the dude points for creativity! I didnt know this was the new line they now use...lol!

    ReplyDelete
  7. @miss definitely maybe
    It's hilarious.Really.Thing is,it gets me going from giggles to tears to rage,depending on when I read it.

    Truly the gift that keeps on giving.

    @ms sula
    All the spectacle of a skateboarder hitting a wall:)

    @Florida
    It makes stupid look like a compliment.Seriously.

    @badderchic
    To get dollars :D

    @jarrai
    I especially love the part where he expressed his "symapthy".

    @bumight
    +1 point for creativity.-5 points for the use of the word "spear" in a non-fishing context :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. lmao!

    u've been so punk'd! or is it "mugu'd" lol. the guy is a mega idioto, and u are so right, the crap nigerian youngsters are up to today is sooo retarded!

    ReplyDelete
  9. *holding belly and laughing my head off*...he will "spear" your life..i thought that was the general idea to start with? so why should you pay for your own assasination na?buahahahahaha!

    them people are hopeless oh! but the weirdest thing is that i'm positive there are some kind of people that would be scared shitless by that! don't wanna soung prejudiced of judgemental or anything, buh most politicians will increase security sharp sharp and send for his village babalawo...these are the people that keep all them scammers in business :P

    buh maguy stuuuupuid shaaaa! kai, plus all the "don't contact the police lines" i can just visualize the movie starring jim iyke that he dubbed it from!

    ranting over.My daaahlin Nine..how you dey?

    ReplyDelete